Caliginous

Anger is the vice through which I am free.

What else is left when restraint becomes a prison?

I was told to cage all these emotions, that

they are sin when visible.

But what should and should not exist?

Based on one other's poison

designed to change you?

Souls naturally do not

abide by the cage,

it struggles and it writhes.

The being struggles as it's being contained.

Only when that very prison

is from my own creation,

it holds me together, keeping myself metered.

So when it needs to be freed,

I let the vice free, and the restraints broken.

Although it slowly destroys me, I know no other language

that curates that anger and dissipates it.

No, it's not always the loudness, or the violence.

But the uncontained raw vehemence.

Internally dying, but I am free.

Why should I go back to that cage not made

 

by my own hands?

The very one that held onto and twisted everything

that I was?

Eternal

Soothing touch of your skin,
I want to pry you open,
and dig under.
I want to see all of you,
your veins pumping warm blood,
and see your heart flutter
as I touch your exposed ribs.

I want your fingers dip in between my ribs,
and feel for my beating heart.
Painting each other on our skin
with the deep red liquid mixed together.
Our guts intertwined, just like our fingers interlocked.
Bring ourselves closer, as our teeth clashed,
and skin overlapped.

Please hold me forever,
I can’t imagine not feeling you under my skin,
or anyone else’s tender flesh in between my teeth.

Trauma [part 3]

Simulated,
the blood was not real.
But all I could see were
those blue eyes.
I knew who they belonged to,
as I looked across the scene.
The beautiful eyes in a
bowl of ice with care.
In quiet whispers his
voice spoke to me.
The words weren't spoken in a
way I could understand.
And like the ice wanted to
make use of those blue eyes,
the strings behind the eyes grew.
And engulfed the bowl entirely

Zap!

Colleague behind me poked my back.
She had a smile, asked what I saw.
I looked back, and there was the
simulated scene,
but there was no bowl with those
blue eyes. And no eyes with the string
of veins that grew.
She waited eagerly for an answer,
but it was here I could no longer
be here anymore. 

Kyiv in my Heart

People I never knew, coming together.
The laughs, smiles,
I now hear the ghosts of their voices.
But the efforts continue, I see new faces.
And each time, they were like family.
United together, to continue and persist,
to never fall down.
We may hear the voices of those once here,
but along with the living, their voices
fuel our hearts. Keeping us strong.
Another day lived through smoke,
but it will never burn out the resilience.

Terrorist

I am met with those evil eyes,
staring at me like I was the crime, I stood my ground.
As the scared child behind me cries,
and the crowd around me, without a sound.

Is helping a human have stable food a crime,
is it such a scary thing to see someone with a smile?
Am I now the antagonist for standing around at nighttime?
Did you really think the dancing frogs were so vile?

'Food not Bombs', feed the hungry for free,
oh no not anymore, that is deemed an offense.
They go door to door like on a killing spree,
tearing apart families for only a few cents.

The world burns by your hand,
but you label me an arsonist.

Helpless sometimes, as I remembered
the last time I breathed in the toxic smoke.
There the crowd was, they never left.
No matter how hard you threw back,

they threw back twice as hard.
With the tears of broken families,
with the memories of murdered children,
forever in everyone's hearts.

Never to be forgotten

Trauma [part 2]

Push and pull,
wired in our brains,
the strive for connection.
But there's an alarm,
a warning, warning of a past.
And so the connection never comes.
pull
pull
pull
Then letting it jump off of a cliff,
and off to his little cave he goes.
Never to venture out.
His soul, he grips it with force,
'honey let it go, you're going to kill it'
But he puts it further into his rib cage.
run
run
run
Off he goes like a scared little boy,
though his eyes animal-like.
Teeth could have been sharp,
his hands only knew how to break precious things.
The rage he couldn't control, the pain he let flow,
But at night he would
cry
cry
cry
For all the wrong doings, and for
the things he never done.
And all he could ever done,
forever in this cycle.
Blinded, but those eyes could see.
And yet with those seeing eyes,
never met with the hands that would caress.
Always the ones that would make him bleed.
He continued to hold a tight grip
onto his soul.
Till there was nothing, as it faded,
and he was no more.

Nothing but a husk, that was once him.

Trauma [part 1]

Lost lost lost
I could not breathe
I held out my hand
but no one saw
walk walk walk

Lies
Lies
Lies

Like venom on the tongue
forcing me to swallow.
Like the wrenched claws
drawing on my skin.
Like the false words
forced upon my mouth.

Scream
Scream
Scream

But no one!
No one looked no one saw.
No one batted an eye.
I said I said I said
till I forgot who I was

Please
Please
Please

Just let me live.
I am nothing but a shell.
There is no one in this shell,
but flesh and blood.
What more did you want?
Did you like it when you drew on my skin?

Run
Run
Run

I had nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
You were long gone and locked up
But the scars still bleed without blood.
Forever altered and written on.
This art you left me with

I had to pay the price of my soul.