Dancing With the Deer God

Dedication to Cernunnos, during an outdoor ritual

I become lost in the path of leaves;

unforgiving cold pushing me forward.

Yet I hunger for the sense of freedom,

but home? No, this is not home.

Here I do not feel the unnatural warmth,

there is no voice to guide me.

Here there is no fence to keep me in a right place,

there is no string to guide me back safely.

As I continue to walk further into the wilderness,

as the darkness started to envelope me.

I hear a voice, the beast of the Wild.

He beckoned me to come closer,

to walk further and don't look back.

Another sense started to crawl up my skin,

the natural human emotion of fear.

I stopped where I stand and looked,

the man with the deer horns smiled, and held out a hand.

"Start anew and let yourself free,"

he spoke in a soft rumble.

Panicked and startled, I started to think,

think of my home.

Where a roof stood over me,

a family of ill wishes and cages.

Yet they brought me love and safety,

and still held back, lacking happiness.

Freedom, it can bring pain and suffering,

but what great would it be, to cower behind safety?

If it meant my soul was forever captured?

I slowly twirled around on my toes, my hands raised.

An unforced smile appeared on my face,

as the trees waved around with the cold wind.

As the beast and I cheerfully danced on the fallen leaves.

Winter brought the end of all things, but it starts a new life.

Memories of home flashed past me,

but here is home. I should be set free.

And yet, invisible chains still remain,

I must return and stay under the rood.

Only now, the gates shall remain open,

free for me to return when the wind whistles.

When the trees whisper my name,

and the animals dance on the soil.

I walked along the forest floor, neither fearful nor lost.

Holly King, bringer of cold and winter, not to be mistaken

with darkness. Oak King always returns year around with warmth.

I should be the same way, prevailing.

Remember not to get lost in what's in front,

instead looking ahead and going forward.

The Wild and I danced around, till it was my time to return.

I will come back, like seasons of Spring, Summer, and Winter.

Together

Together, we smiled at the sun
as it rises and falls every day.

We held hands as we lay down on the grass;

the warm summer wind calmed us.

Together, we drank the sweet peach tea,

as we sat on the ragged couch and watched TV.

The cool air of our home helps us breathe,

and drowns out the outside noise.

Together, we watched as people walked by,

as we made friends with those who tore our family.

Laughter of our neighbors brightens our day,

and helps clear up cloudy skies.

Together, we boarded up broken pieces,

as we let calm music trickle down the table.

Soft tones and voice of rhythm refreshes our ears,

and calms down after a long day.

Together, we sewed together torn skin,

as the flesh begins to squirm.

The screams of our guests being silenced,

and their pain slowly fading.

Together, we tied up the bags,

as our guests rotted away.

The laughter slowly died and silence again,

and slow creeping of serenity filled the air.

Together, we bought new items for our house,

as we fixed the frames of our children.

Ghost laughter of them running around the kitchen,

and hopping into our backyard.

Together, we sat on our new couch in silence,

as tears fell from our glassy eyes.

Sharp pain along our skin,

as the house lit up in flames.

Live in the Fear

Only a drop of the ink is all it takes,
For all the glory and hope to break.
'Distract yourself' I say.
But what if instead of keeping them at bay,
I break their minds, tearing them up.
I cut their hearts and drink them from a teacup.
They say to don't live in fear,
I say live inside the fear.
Control their minds like how they took over mine.
Hang their bones like a shrine.
'Don't become the fear' so they say.
To my eyes, I now see them as prey.
Overcoming them in my own way,
By hunting them down, leaving them astray.

I could breathe in the air they kept me from.
In turn, they struggled in their own spit and turned numb.
Yet, by taking back what was mine,
Slowly, I went into a decline.
Digging myself into the grave to sleep,
Just enough for me to leap.
One day I will face sweet Death,
And will be able to be in peace for the first time.

Laying to rest in my own grave, 'I am finally at peace' I say.
But I will never know about the peace that was only a few steps away.


If only I looked at what was behind me

Dirt Man Angel

Grass is always green here, yet lacks security
Lacks the needed care and love
And the needed home to stand in
Yet, I lie here with much sense of purity

I am me and here spirit flies
My colors are shown and none hidden
Feeling free and running fast
Yet, blood is evaporated and the human dies

Sitting on the minefield of my own
I wonder how I find peace here
Pests of loneliness and illness
All scattered across the field, homegrown

I can let myself free, but here I sat
The grass gives me comfort
Death of Silence whispering along the wind
As I sound fast asleep with the lost cat

Here, I can feel the glass wall barrier
Fragile little thing, keeping me caged
I sang instead the song of Nature

Yet, my eyes spill more water than one can drink

Husk of Diamond Eyes

There wasn't much left for me to do, as I looked at her while she tried to hold onto whatever was left. As she struggled to breathe, her eyes widened and she tried to scream for help. My hands were bound and I could not free myself. I could only watch, just as in life. I was the audience for every horror that occurred. An unknown figure was in front of her, holding her nimble neck with two hands. And again, I could only watch what was happening. Tears endlessly fell as I screamed, not able to do anything else but listen as laughter was heard around me.

I thought that time would be different when I found happiness through her eyes and when I had something I could look forward to every day.

And to this day, I am nothing but the husk of what was left of her. There was nothing that could drag me through this world. I could only feel my own blood turning cold as I myself struggled to breathe, hoping my fragile bones would be buried next to hers.

Fly High Devil Dog

I wonder if the sky is blue
Whether or not the grass grew
My eyes could lie
Be an enemy and not an ally

I wonder if the pain is there
Lingering around in the air
With you gone the air stung
Last words you said were still young

I wonder if you had a point of return
Your voice had a sound of concern
Hollow and in silent pain
Knowing your life will not retain

I wonder if the clouds had rain
As the sun rose and sang again
Nothing but your shell resting on a cloud
Your image still with life and flew high proud